Should've Gone
by CrystalWatersXo
Summary: {One-Shot} "I just wanted to remind you to tell me what you wanna get for Christmas?" Tori thought for a second and stared into her mother's eyes with a serious look on her face. "Nothing you could ever get me, mom..." - "You've made me able to say that if I died now, I could say that I've had a good life." {Rated T to be safe) {a little OOC}


**Hey guys! :) For those who're reading my other story "I thought you were different" I AM SO SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! I have a writers block even if I just started with that story... Anyway I woke up this morning and this idea popped into my mind. I've never thought that I would write an one-shot since I don't even like reading them that much... but I thought I should give it a (one-)shot ;) hope you like it and please, please review I really wanna know what you guys think about this!**

**I do not own Victorious.**

_"I should've gone_

_I should've gone_

_I should've gone away"_

This little tune replayed in her mind every time she thought about him. It was something her father would sing every once in a while with his acoustic guitar. He wasn't much of a performer, plus that, he would only sing that one little song which he made sometime, but he knew how much Tori loved hearing him sing it, so he just did it.

It was one day before Christmas Eve, Tori's mother and her sister were in the kitchen baking cookies while listening to some recurring Christmas music. Tori sat on the window ledge.

_It was one day before Christmas Eve, 5 years ago, Tori's mother and her sister were in the kitchen baking cookies. Tori looked out of the window so she could be the first one to notice a car driving up their parking lot. She was excited. Suddenly she could see the car, that she had been waiting for._

_"He's here!" Tori squealed._

_"Okay honey, just a second."_

_Her mother came out of the kitchen and gave Tori a kiss on the cheek._

_"Have fun honey." She smiled._

_"Thanks mom, see you in 2 days."_

_Tori hugged her mother and ran out of the door to the honking car._

_As she saw the person coming her way, her eyes gleamed in joy._

_"Harold!"_

Harold was her father's name. Tori didn't know why, but since she could remember, she has never called him "dad" or "daddy". She just called him by his name. And she liked it that way. Maybe she thought it was cool, or... she never actually knew why she did it. But she didn't really care either.

_"Hey Tori!" Tori's father called and ruffled her hair_.

Tori missed this. He would do that every time he picked her up and brought her home, since her parent's divorce.

_"Merry pre-Christmas!" Tori laughed._

_"You know that-"_

_"Ah, come on,_ _Harold." Tori grinned._

Harold would always try to explain things and would always get caught up in the situation if he was mad, he just couldn't stop talking. Tori grinned to herself as she remembered that. Because every time he did that, she would cut him off and tell him that he should stop talking and that it's fine. He would laugh and shrug it off.

_As they were seated in his car, Tori opened her bag to look for a CD._

_"Here, I brought this, can we listen to it?"_

_"Sure."_

They would always listen to her CD if she brought one. Okay, there were times when Harold wasn't in the mood, but that was okay.

_It was still a long ride, since her father didn't live in Los Angeles. He lived in a small, very small town. You know, one with peasants and cows and everything._

_Tori looked around. She loved his car, it was small, but cosy._

Oh what she would do to drive in that car with him one more time...

_As they arrived at his house, he took out her bag and brought it to the front door, as always. He opened the door and went inside. Just then his dog came rushing out of the living room._

_"Heyyy Lia!" Tori shouted and petted her fur. "Did you gain weight again?" Tori laughed. Lia was...huge._

_Just then her father's wife came out of the kitchen._

_"Hey Tori, what have you been up to?"_

_"Oh, um nothing really, just school, you know."_

_She nodded and then walked away again._

_Tori sighed._

Tori and Harold's wife had some clashes every once in a while. Now that she thought about it, she didn't really know why... Maybe it was because they had like nothing in common, or because Tori was sometimes a little... bitchy? Or it was because his wife didn't like "the way Tori lived". Don't let me explain...

Tori remembered one time they had a fight. Tori started screaming. As her father said something, she got even more angry and started screaming at him too. Most of the time he would take his wife's side. Tori would scream at him even more and storm off. She would run into her room, slam the door shut and start crying. She would always feel sorry afterwards. A tear escaped Tori's eye as she thought about it. She wishes she would have never been mean to him, or screamed at him. The reasons why she did that were never worth it. "I was such a fool..." Tori thought.

_As she brought her bag into her room, she heard her father's voice calling for her._

_"Tooooriii!"_

_Tori ran down the stairs. "Yeah, what is it?"_

_"Come on, I wanna show you something."_

_"Alright." She saw him already walking into the garden so she put her shoes on._

_"Come on." He said as she was outside too, standing next to him._

_They walked to the end of the garden (his garden was huge) and stopped at a little summer house._

_"Wow! So it's ready?"_

_"Yeah, it is." He smiled proudly._

_"It's awesome!" Tori smiled._

_"I know right?!" He laughed._

_Tori laughed too._

She remembered that every time her father had done or made something, he was pretty happy and proud. He would always sit in a garden chair and look around his garden. He would always say...

_"You know, __**if I died now, I could say that I've had a good life**__."_

He was such a happy person. They could always have fun… if they were both in the mood. They had a lot in common, they were goofy, had some "mood swings", the same thick hair and a short neck. They loved watching TV together, most of the time some stupid documentation about trees or something, which Harold wanted to watch, but she didn't really care. She enjoyed his company... and since she only saw him every second weekend or on some holidays, she had to take that opportunity to be near him.

Yeah, of course there were also some things that they had a completely different opinion of, for example those documentations or being outside, doing... whatever. Sometimes he said...

"_Oh, come on, let's go outside for a walk."_

_"Ugh, no, I hate being outside." Tori said as she sat in front of her laptop._

_"Okay, then.. I will go for a walk alone and take the dog with me, but when I get home, I will turn off the Internet connection."_

_"No!"_

_"Then come with me."_

_"Ugh, fine." She knew to just go with it, she had a long discussion about it once and she didn't wanna do it again._

Tori wished she would have always gone with him... But now it's too late.

When they took a walk with the dog and it was already getting dark, Tori would always hold his hand.

She would do anything to hold his hand again, she missed that feeling so much.

She missed him so much.

_Sunday evening, almost 11 months ago, Tori's father brought her home again. He brought her bag to the front door. Tori and her father had a little clash earlier that day, it wasn't much of a big deal though, so it didn't really matter. That's because both of them weren't really in the mood, but it got better on the way home._

_"See ya in 2 weeks, Tor." He said as he ruffled her hair again. He still did that, even 5 years later, but Tori loved it._

_"Yeah, see ya then Harold." Tori smiled and gave him a quick hug._

_As he drive off, she waved him goodbye, which he would always return._

Back then, she didn't know that that would be the last goodbye he would return...

Tori still remembers that weekend exactly...

_"So what do you need to make Guacamole?"_

_"Um let's see..." Tori said as she read her shopping list._

_"4 tomatoes, onions, uh, garlic and um... oh yeah, avocados."_

_As they got home from the supermarket they started to make Guacamole. Tori was happy because she had never cooked with him before. She remembered when Harold made Chilli Con Carne, which was actually the only meal he could cook. But it was really, really good._

_"Wow, this is actually really good!" Harold said as he stuffed his mouth._

_"See! I told ya so!" Tori laughed._

_"You want some scrambled eggs and bread as well?"_

_"Really, dude?" Tori raised one eyebrow and laughed. "We're eating Guacamole, which is like the best thing ever!"_

_"Whatever..." Harold laughed._

Tori laughed as she remembered that... He was unbelievable, oh well... but she loved that.

_"Let's take the dog for a walk." He said as they were finished._

_"Uh, yeah, sure." Tori said as she brought their plates to the kitchen counter._

_She didn't argue about that anymore, gosh, she was almost 17._

_It was already dark outside and as they walked further and further into the little forest, she took his hand and smiled. She still did that, even though she wasn't a little kid anymore..._

Yeah, indeed, she wasn't a little kid anymore, she should've been able to handle that situation, about 3 months ago, but she couldn't...

Tori was sitting on the window ledge and stared out of the window all day. She was hoping for that one car to arrive. For that one person to hug her and tell her it wasn't Christmas yet, if she'd say "Merry pre-Christnas" and all that. For that one person to ruffle her hair.

Tori was waiting, even though she knew that person wouldn't arrive... ever again.

But she couldn't move on.

She also never deleted his number on her phone, even though she knew he wouldn't call her again. It was impossible.

She was lost in thoughts that she didn't even notice her mother standing next to her, tapping on her shoulder. As Tori finally turned around, her mother had a curious look on her face.

"Yeah, what's up, mom?"

"Oh, um nothing really... I just wanted to remind you to tell me what you wanna get for Christmas? You know it's one day before Christmas Eve and you still haven't told me and the stores are closing soon."

Tori thought for a second and stared into her mother's eyes with a serious look on her face. "Nothing you could ever get me, mom..."

With that she walked out of the kitchen and into her room. She wasn't in the mood for Christmas, so she just got ready for bed and tried to sleep, even if it was only 4pm.

Right now, it was impossible for her though. She turned in her bed every 5 minutes, so she figured she should just get up again. As she was looking for a book, she found a small box and opened it. She stared at the content for a while. It was a walnut shell with a little pink necklace glued onto the inside. Just then she remembered what it really was...

_Tori, her father and his wife were in the church that day. One parent had to make this little walnut shell thing with a message inside for their child. The message should be about something they wish for their child, but the child is only allowed to open it and read the message when that parent has passed away someday._

Tori laughed a sad laugh. That day they were in the church, she thought that she would have to keep it for such a long time, that she would lose it eventually.

She was wrong, so so wrong.

She had never opened it, she just couldn't. Sure she was curious, but she was just too sad to actually read it, so she just stored it up in this little box.

She hesitated for a brief second, but then she opened it carefully. She took out a little piece of paper. She closed her eyes and unfolded it. As she opened her eyes again, she read one little word written in her father's handwriting.

_"Peace"_

Was all it said but it was enough for Tori to break down on the floor and cry her eyes out. She tried to be silent though, she didn't like anyone's company when she was sad.

She thought about all the wrong things she did and said, all the bad decisions she made...

_3 months ago, Tori and her mother were at their lawyer. They talked about Tori's heritage. She should get half of her father's house (his wife had a son, who would get the other half), when his wife was dead sometime. That's it. That's everything she would get. Yeah, you shouldn't worry about that shit when your father just died, but Tori did. Why? That's something she didn't even know. She actually wasn't like that. She didn't know what got into her. But the only thing she cared about was money. She didn't want that stupid house... I mean what could she do with the half of a house that she would get in... 40 years or something? She didn't want it. She wanted money. She needed money. She wanted to go to college soon and that wasn't cheap._

_Tori got into a big fight with her dad's wife, now widow, and some of her other relatives. They told her how disappointed they were in her, what a reckless person she was..._

_It wasn't because Tori didn't want the house… it was Tori's right to reject it, it was because of the whole "process". Yeah, don't ask what I mean with that, it's complicated._

_Tori never intended to hurt anyone, it really wasn't her intention, but it just turned out as that. People wouldn't talk to her anymore or were mad at her and talked about her behind her back. She was even afraid to call her relatives in fear of getting couldn't stand it. She was hurt, but she knew she deserved it... She was such a reckless, stupid, mercenary, ungrateful girl. She was disappointed in herself._

As Tori thought about all that, she cried even more. She was so stupid back then, she should've handled that situation like a mature person, but she didn't. She acted like a little, naive, dumb child.

She hated herself for that. But she couldn't change the past. Everything already happened and she would have to live with that. It was her fault, so she shouldn't complain. It still killed her though.

She got up from the floor and walked into her bathroom and looked into the mirror.

The only thing she saw was a failure in life. Yes, she failed. Well, that's what she thought about herself.

Every time she was sad, her father would cheer her up. He couldn't do that anymore. She missed him.

There were times when Tori didn't miss him at all. She wasn't sad about him and she hated herself for that. Why wasn't she sad? Why didn't she miss him? Probably because she never realized that he was actually dead. Gone. Forever gone.

Tori took her guitar, her bag and her keys and ran down the stairs.

"I'm gonna go out for some hours, I'll be back around 7! Bye!"

Tori rushed out of the front door, not even waiting for a response. She opened her car, put her stuff inside, got in and drove off.

After 30 minutes she was on an oh too familiar way. She hasn't driven that way for a while though.

After another 30 minutes she parked her car, took her guitar and walked through and old wooden, kind of garden door, as she read a sign which said "Cemetery".

As Tori found the grave she was looking for, she froze. She had never been here. She couldn't bring herself to.

Some tears escaped her eyes. She sat down on an old bench that was facing the grave stone, which said _„Harold Vega ~ *March 10, 1963 to January 25, 2012 ~ Everything that was good, stays good. Our love stays love."_

"Hey Harold... I'm so sorry that I haven't visited you. I just couldn't bring myself to. There were times that I didn't think about you that much and I hate myself for that. But I never forgot you and I want you to know that I'll never forget about you, I couldn't, I promise. I've made lots of mistakes and did and said things I'm not proud of. I bet you're disappointed in me, but that's ok, because I'm disappointed in myself too. I'm so sorry for being mean to you sometimes, I regret it so much. I regret that I didn't go with you for a walk when you asked me to. I wish you would ask me just one more time. I miss you so much. I wish I could hold your hand one more time and that you would ruffle my hair again." Tori smiled a sad smile. "I wish I could hear your voice just one more time, hear your laugh or see you smile. But I never will. I feel like I didn't "appreciate" you enough. I wish I could sit next to you in front of the TV watching those documentations again. I miss the feeling of your arm around my shoulders. I miss everything about you. I remember that... my stepmom told me on... your..." Tori couldn't finish her sentence, she was crying too much. "...funeral that you've always loved me. I hope that was true and I hope that you still love me. I really do, because it would kill me if you wouldn't, because I love you so much. And I always will. Living without you is pretty different, and even though I can't see you, I know that you're still there. You didn't deserve all this and I wish I was the one who died. I would've deserved it. You were such a happy, grateful person and I'm not, I never really was, I guess. You have no idea how much I wish you'd still be here... Anyway, I know how much you loved singing that little song for me and I wish you could sing it one more... but I know you can't, so I will just sing it for you..." Tori took her guitar and started playing the melody of the song.

_"I should've gone_

_I should've gone_

_I should've gone away, yeah_

_I should've gone_

_I should've been the one_

_I should've gone away"_

"As I remembered you singing this song today, I realized just how much I miss and need you. You've made me able to say that** if I died now, I could say that I've had a good life**. Thank you for everything, I love you."

With that Tori shed her last tear and smiled at the memory of her dad.

**~the end~**

**Yeah I know the ending is kinda crappy.. I ran out of inspiration.:D**

**Please review!**

**~Xo Crystal**


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